This is a selection of IMs from my friend Kenny.

Enjoy at your own risk.

Getaway Driver.... fail

Posted: April 11, 2013 4:16 PM by Jon

Kenny: heh so whenever we go to the burrito place for lunch (take out), my boss gets a ticket for not paying, cuz it's only 10 min
Kenny: so yesterday we were like "well you just wait in the car then"
Kenny: so the parking patrol comes by and gives him a ticket for waiting in the car... not paying
Kenny: i'm like DUDE you're supposed to PAY or DRIVE OFF when you see them!
Kenny: that's what i meant by wait in the car!
Jon: LOL
0 2

Never rob a bank with Kenny's boss.

Korean War

Posted: April 08, 2013 1:00 PM by Dvan

Kenny: I heard Korea was pissed off @ us, not just in StarCraft, like RAM prices might go up etc, so i google Korean War and I get some crap that happened in 1953???
Dvan: *facepalm*
Dvan: Yeah my Dad went to Korea just after that war ended to help fix equipment and stuff.
Kenny: I just ate at the Korean BBQ foodcart, should I boycott or fire bomb??
Dvan: wtf
Dvan: you know there's TWO Koreas, right?
Kenny: not sure the protocol, i guess we could make internment camps too
Dvan: WOW
Kenny: if that's still trendy i don't know
Kenny: which korea makes hello kitty and keroppi?
Kenny: hopefully the good one cuz those guys r cute
0 2

Shock or Awe?

Posted: April 04, 2013 9:43 AM by Palehorse

Kenny: sometimes I tel people exactly what they want to hear, and they just stare at me
Kenny: at work that is
Kenny: other teams mostly
Kenny: and it's really confusing, are they just in awe? or they don't believe me
Kenny: probably I think our IT department is just so f**king slow that they're surprised when i agree to do things right away
Kenny: they won't even make a user account in time for a new employee
Kenny: they need like 5 days notice...
0 2

Research proves it...I'm an asshole

Posted: April 01, 2013 12:44 PM by Palehorse

Kenny: co-worker was like "the new food cart is nepalese dumplings"
Kenny: after a bit of research I see I'm an asshole
0 4

Fuzzy Hole

Posted: March 22, 2013 3:00 PM by Dvan

Kenny: in our conference room table we got this opening where u can put cords down through
Kenny: well it has these bristles in it to stop regular objects from falling through
Kenny: during meetings my boss always "plays" fondles it
Kenny: during discussions, i think he doesn't realize
Kenny: so yesterday someone in the meeting was like, "blaine, what is your deal with sticking your fingers in the fuzzy hole?"
Kenny: OWNED
Kenny: killed the meeting
Kenny: he apologized and said it suddenly made sense why he liked it so much
Dvan: ahhh hahahahah
0 3

The Sheldon Principle

Posted: March 13, 2013 3:06 PM by Palehorse

Kenny: wow, one of the sales clowns in the seattle office is demanding that we buy him a robot with an iPad face to represent him in meetings
Mike: So when you say "demanding", you mean actually demanding?
Mike: Do these people actually exist?
Kenny: yeah he was not like, " I think this would be cool", instead he said, "I need this"
Mike: I didn't realize our office was so "normal" compared to other places
Kenny: yeah your office is awesome, family company
Kenny: the s**t here is so idiotic
Kenny: they sent out an all-staff e-mail that some random graphics guy got a PowerPoint 2010 certification
Kenny: I think because everyone hates the IT department
Kenny: yesterday, my boss threw away some poor girl's lunch
Kenny: he said "it was green"
Kenny: she said "It was salsa."
Kenny: he got in trouble for parking in the other company's parking stall
Kenny: in the bathroom there is paper towel shreds all over
Kenny: bunch of animals
Kenny: sometimes in there i play this game, "Is this condensation, or is it piss?"
Kenny: to be fair I do remember smart solutions had an issue with piss on the seat
0 4

Mechanically Separated Strawberry Milkshake

Posted: March 11, 2013 2:15 PM by Dvan

Kenny: last night i watched this documentary and it showed all these chickens being scooped up and made into meat and cows being milked with machines and i was like ohhhh horrible argh and then at the end they showed a high speed video of COSTCO and i was all oh, ok, that's cool, cuz costco is the s**t
Dvan: Wow horrible dude. Kinda like the picture you can find on the net of how McDonalds makes their Strawberry icecream colored Chicken McNuggets.
Kenny: wtf
Kenny: i guess they have fish nuggets now... that's asking for trouble
Dvan: that pic is chicken
Kenny: WHAT
Dvan: this is better
Kenny: ahhh wow
Kenny: mechanically separated chicken eh
Dvan: Yup. Looks tasty, like a strawberry milk shake, right? NOPE.
Kenny: yeah that is freaky :|
0 2


Posted: March 07, 2013 4:45 PM by Dvan

Kenny: last weekend i went to a friend's house and their roommate was making bouillabaise
Kenny: whole bunch of people congregated and finally it was ready to eat
Kenny: well it's freaking SOUP it's freaking HOT
Kenny: it's thin, and STEAMY BROTHY HOT
Dvan: ok
Kenny: so i am frustrated cuz i am hungry, i am blowing on it a lot and i start thinking about it and i say,
Kenny: (while holding my scaling spoon full) "Do you guys think it cools faster if you blow on it, or across it?"
Kenny: which I thought was BRILLIANT like a breakthrough/epiphany, this could change my life
Kenny: and instead the guy goes HOW ABOUT YOU STOP BEING A PUSSY AND JUST EAT IT
Kenny: W-T-F
Dvan: lol
Kenny: "Umm if I burn my mouth then I can't really enjoy food for 24 hours" is what I said
Kenny: seriously do I come off as an autistic freak or what?
0 0

Home On The Range

Posted: March 07, 2013 4:40 PM by Dvan

Kenny: some chick was singing home on the range to her toddler but she got the lyrics wrong, she said "where NEVER is heard a discouraging word" but I believe the actual lyric is SELDOM
Kenny: I almost corrected her and indicated that actually, discouraging words could be heard on the range sometimes, it's not all rosy like she makes it out to be
Kenny: but i did not, now she go on in her denial, passing that onto future generations, we are doomed
Kenny: least my sandwich was good
0 3


Posted: March 04, 2013 11:17 AM by Palehorse

Kenny: spilled some coffee on my brand new jeans. they look great now
palehorse: hate that
palehorse: I have a pair that after less than a month ended up with what looks like a little bleach spot
Kenny: actually there's something about portland style where u look good w/ stained clothes and messy hair
Kenny: girls try to have chipped finger nail paint
Kenny: so this is good
palehorse: hah
Kenny: saturday i took a nap before going out so my hair would be messed up
Kenny: hmm i have to tell jon this, he hates hipster crap
palehorse: lol
0 1