This is a selection of IMs from my friend Kenny.

Posted: February 11, 2013 12:30 PM by Dvan

Kenny: after the symphony on saturday i decided to get a korean burrito
Kenny: so i walk up to the truck and it's blasting hiphop music
Kenny: place my order and i'm loitering, then a cop pulls up
Kenny: gets out and places his order
Kenny: now the hiphop music is about cocaine and shooting people, good stuff
Kenny: it's pretty loud, and some old guy hobbles by
Kenny: he's like WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE
Kenny: thought the cops were busting up a dance party or something, but no, just another evening in portland with people getting their tacos

0 2

Posted: February 06, 2013 2:36 PM by Palehorse

Kenny: The sad thing about IPv6 jokes is that almost no one understands them and no one is using them yet.
Kenny: The problem with TCP jokes is that people keep retelling them slower until you get them.
Kenny: I have a great HTTP 302 joke, come over here and I'll tell you.
Kenny: Someone was telling me a HTTP 304 joke but I heard it before
Kenny: I tried to come up with an IPv4 joke, but the good ones were all already exhausted.
Kenny: apparently this is called ProtoLOL
Kenny: TTL jokes are short lived.
Kenny: RFC1918 jokes are inside jokes
Kenny: :P

1 8

Posted: February 05, 2013 10:25 AM by Jon

Kenny: i gues it's like wine, you know, you can have a $15 beer and a $5 beer and think they're the same or like the $5 one more
Jon: exactly
Jon: price does not indicate quality
Jon: I've paid some high prices for bad beer. And as a general rule of thumb, I won't ever pay more than $10-12 for a single bottle that I've never had before
Kenny: sure, the more expensive ones are a good conversation piece at a party though
Kenny: like I can buy people's affection at parties by bringing expensive beer
Kenny: "talk to me b/c u want a taste of this $25 beer"
Jon: no, it's more of a dick-wagging contest
Kenny: 3==========D
Kenny: not to scale
Jon: right, too big
Kenny: lol, ass

0 5

Posted: February 01, 2013 11:30 AM by Dvan

Kenny: ever encounter a smell and it brings back a flood of vivid memories? Yesterday on the bus I sat next to some hippie in pajamas that smelled like smoke and B.O. Totally reminded me of summer w/ my roommate Orion
Dvan: wow
Kenny: good times
Kenny: can't wait for summer when the bus smells like ass but at least the weather's nice

1 6

Posted: January 28, 2013 10:00 AM by Dvan

Kenny: last week my boss didn't know that Office 2013 and Office 15 were the same thing so i applied for this job http://portland.craigslist.org/mlt/sad/3571398215.html
Kenny: on my cover letter i wrote that i required $90k to work at a company with a retarded name
Kenny: well i didn't actually write the part about the name
...
Kenny: i think Kthorn is a better company name
Dvan: heheh
Dvan: capitalizing on his name (partial name)
Kenny: I think I will call it S Marsh like Smart Z
Dvan: lol
Kenny: then people would be like woahh is that french? Es(previous company)

0 2

Posted: January 23, 2013 10:20 AM by Dvan

Kenny: so nice that my girlfriend is now my ex. Now i can ignore her when she fishes for sympathy, and also talk about guns and racism
Kenny: marriage must be hell
...
Kenny: although maybe that is why I don't have a lot of friends
Dvan: lol

2 0

Posted: January 18, 2013 12:10 PM by Palehorse

Kenny: i thought the hot PHP/SQL dev downstairs was married, but I didn't see a ring at today's scrum
Kenny: I am going to try and woo her w/ a 10-year SSL cert and extra RAM in the dev server
Kenny: by `hot` I mean she uses backbone.js to cause a page to not reload even if you paste a new URL into the address bar. But she is also good looking.

0 1

Posted: January 16, 2013 4:25 PM by Palehorse

Kenny: heh ok, on the bathroom counter this morning were 2 C batteries, I assume forgotten there (random), but just now I go in and there is a note under the batteries, "This is what I think of your ridiculous squirting air freshener" (it's mounted on the wall and poofs perfume every 60 seconds)
Kenny: BUT someone added to the note "...unless you're in the room with me when I let go a big one, then it could save your life"
Kenny: yeah that is a necessary evil, some idiot disabled it now I'm pissed
Kenny: heh my boss's theory is it sprayed someone tall in the face

0 1

Posted: January 14, 2013 4:35 PM by Palehorse

Kenny: cool my test server is stuck in a reboot loop
Kenny: note toself, don't add Features while running Windows Update
Kenny: i knew it didn't sound like a good idea but i assumed Windows would stop me

1 0

Posted: January 14, 2013 3:10 PM by Dvan

Kenny: decided i'm gonna grow my beard like ben affleck in Argo
Kenny: it's pretty 70's BA
Kenny: also decided i'm going to try and start main stream usage of the term BA
Kenny: as long as the context doesn't have to do with higher education or argentina it should be clear what i'm saying
Dvan: LOL nice
Dvan: BAK
Dvan: Bad Ass Kenny
Kenny: just wait until i get my Sig Sauer P229
Kenny: I been practicing in Counterstrike
Kenny: also setting up surveillance cams around my house
Kenny: planning on stocking up on MRE's
Kenny: there's a flu epidemic going on in all but 3 states
Kenny: it's showtime
Dvan: wow. a little much?
Kenny: No I've seen The Stand and 28 Day Later I know what can happen

0 1