This is a selection of IMs from my friend Kenny.

Enjoy at your own risk.

Yo mamma's Christmas Gifts

Posted: November 18, 2015 2:58 PM by Dvan

Kenny: christmas for my mom... Dell warranty renewal on her laptop
Kenny: in my mind = I give the best gifts
Kenny: in my mom's mind = ... "thanks."
Dvan: lol
Dvan: I know it's from your heart but it's kinda an ass gift
Dvan: no offense
Kenny: I am getting her kitchen shears
Kenny: these things are sharp as f***
Dvan: i hope you get her something else other than kitchen scissors
Kenny: :|
Kenny: homemade granola ?
Kenny: dog treats
Dvan: try again
Kenny: spotify gift card
Dvan: try again
Kenny: wat the granola is a gr8 idea
Dvan: Hmm maybe. but...
Kenny: who don't like oats
Kenny: in cluster form
Dvan: yo mamma bahahahahah
Kenny: :||||
0 3

Catching Crabs

Posted: August 07, 2015 4:11 PM by Dvan

Kenny: I want Legionnaire's
Kenny: sounds really refined and fancy
Dvan: huh. Yeah, I don't think you do.
Kenny: oh ok, well I was thinking crabs would be acceptable
Kenny: heh I guess my dad catches them in traps off his shore
Kenny: he invited me and GFGF to join him
Dvan: I hope it's different crabs
Kenny: so I told GFGF "my dad wants us to visit so he can give us crabs"
Dvan: lol
Kenny: she paused and then said. "And just how will he be transmitting them?"
Dvan: omg kenny
0 4

Skin suit

Posted: July 14, 2015 4:37 PM by Jon

Kenny: AirBnb new slogen - "sleep in their beds to know their dreams"
Kenny: ^ not creepy at all
Jon: wut
Jon: well goddamn that's weird
Kenny: It is beautiful
Kenny: I only want to stay at AirBnb where I can meet the host
Kenny: I want to make a connection
Kenny: I want to experience their full aura
Jon: more like they'll end up wearing a Kenny skin suit
0 4

Hi, my name's Ken and I'm an addict.....

Posted: June 30, 2015 10:37 AM by Palehorse

Kenny:So I might have spent almost a month's salary on new domain names...
Kenny:that is, if I get them all. Tomorrow 9:00am I find out
palehorse:going all in
Kenny:mostly .church
Kenny:I didn't even get
Kenny:it's still available is $190
Kenny:I didn't get that one
Kenny:but I think it has a nice ring to it
Kenny:for pot smokers, activists, or hippies still available too
Kenny:my favorite:
Kenny:I hope i get that one
Kenny:one thing that confuse me, one megachurch, registered the domains of all the other megachurches... and redirected to each one, respectively
Kenny:like some kind of community service
palehorse:confusing that someone did something nice?
Kenny:there's a reason that GoDaddy's alternate name is Wild West domains :P
Kenny:oh man and I missed this awesome domain by 1 day:
palehorse:You need to go do DA - Domains Anonymous
Kenny:the way I justify it, if I don't do it, I will always regret it
Kenny:"should have..."
Kenny:for example, .coms in the late 90's
Kenny:I wish I was 3 years older bakc then
Kenny:& realized what was going on and borrowed my mom's CC
0 2


Posted: June 01, 2015 11:58 AM by Dvan

Kenny: I spent 4 hours last night squatting .school domains
Kenny: unfortunately I don't think public schools have the money I would like to extort from them
Kenny: I attempted to get and tho
Dvan: lol
Dvan: you should get
Kenny: I'm thinknig those might have more $$$ behind them
Kenny: oh yeah I tried, there are a lot of good ones like
Kenny: all taken. dude someone beat me to by ONE day
Kenny: I'm so pissed
Dvan: wtf
Dvan: you got ".school" ed!!!
0 3


Posted: May 21, 2015 12:24 PM by Dvan

Kenny: I signed up for a sensory deprivation chamber thursday
Kenny: 90 minutes for $35
Dvan: uhm
Kenny: gonna get all spiritual
Dvan: so they take your phone away and put you in a padded room?
Kenny: although I think I have to change my cat's s**tbox aftre
Dvan: sounds like prison
Kenny: no, it's a floater
Kenny: float box
Dvan: wat
Kenny: hmm
Dvan: "floater"?
Dvan: ???
Dvan: ????????????????
Kenny: float tank
Dvan: lol looks like a litter box.
Dvan: ........
Kenny: that's the one I sgined up for
Kenny: they say not to do drugs beforehand
Dvan: Is this along the lines of that gal who cuddles for a living??
Kenny: we shall see
Dvan: lol yeah don't do drugs before
Kenny: they say I might need to spend some time in their lobby before re-introducing myself to the world
Kenny: because it will be shocking
Dvan: wow that sounds very new-agey
Dvan: Make sure your chakra's are aligned before you go in and leave the chamber.
Dvan: bring your crystals!
Kenny: yea
Dvan: So do you just float in the water by yourself or do you sit on something?
Dvan: Skeptical Dvan is skeptical.
Dvan: But I guess you can't go wrong at $35.
Dvan: Whatever *floats* your boat. :D
0 2

Babby Boss

Posted: May 12, 2015 11:36 AM by Dvan

Kenny: ok so I half to sign a Congratulations New Babby card etc etc for a new parent on my team
Kenny: so I don't know what to write so I googled for ideas
Kenny: so I found this one on a site
Kenny: "Your horoscope suggests that you have a busy few months ahead. Diapers to change and rejection to clean"
Kenny: ?? "rejection"? my best guess is this was translated and means barf
Dvan: wow wtf
Dvan: JUst say, "Contrats!"
Kenny: i should say some wish of some kind
Kenny: this is why I don't like happy Birthday cards past around the office
Kenny: I can't just write freakin Happy Brithday
Dvan: Well, don't write "Welcome to the end of your life."
Kenny: i siad "good luck adjusting to your new boss"
Dvan: lol nice call.
0 1

Olde skewl

Posted: April 06, 2015 2:30 PM by Palehorse

Kenny:why my business card has fax on it
Kenny:I make fun of the Dell sales troll
Kenny:"ha ha you have fax numbeR?"
Kenny:then he's like "Umm. yours has a fax number."
Kenny::| :|
0 5


Posted: March 04, 2015 2:25 PM by Dvan

Kenny: why they use the word homo so much in this???
Kenny: who cares caveman sexualitty!
Dvan: *facepalm*
Kenny: speaking of faceplam
Kenny: someone ate the last donut half...
Kenny: and the box... remains.
Dvan: *moar facepalm*
0 2


Posted: February 27, 2015 1:45 PM by Dvan

Kenny: ask jon if the dress is blue or white
Kenny: but don't tell him i'm the one who wants to know
Kenny: can't tell if that was his response or yours, could go either way
Dvan: that one was mine
Dvan: He said it's whatever color your meds make it today.
0 2