This is a selection of IMs from my friend Kenny.

Enjoy at your own risk.

Next in line

Posted: September 19, 2012 11:00 AM by Jon

Kenny: hopefully someday i get my boss's job yes
Kenny: IT manager
Kenny: then i am going to rock the house
Kenny: he's worked here for 15 years tho so I might have to kill him
Kenny: he has a big tank of NOS in his car and I am aware of how volatile the contents are
Kenny: ...
Jon: why does he drive around with a tank of NOS though?
Kenny: cuz it makes his car fastwhen he pushes a certain button
Jon: um
Kenny: he drives a BMW with the license plate INVAIN
Kenny: hmm, he must die.
Jon: that dude has a problem
Kenny: yeah he brought a dagger to work one day
Kenny: but all he ended up doing w/ it was opening CDW boxes
Kenny: sometimes he wears funny hats
Kenny: everything on his desk is red and/or black
Kenny: the kind of women that he is attracted to, he describes as a "hot mess"
Kenny: he likes them best when they're psycho
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Posted: September 18, 2012 2:14 PM by Palehorse

Kenny: It turns out that 16 percent of more than 1,300 iPad owners polled would be willing to "break a bone" to save their tablet
Kenny: i would dive into a bowl of piss for my iPhone, done it before even
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Posted: September 17, 2012 3:46 PM by Jon

Kenny: man if i could code PHP i would be unstoppable
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Bomb Threat

Posted: September 17, 2012 10:10 AM by Dvan

Kenny: I was throwing my credit card at my monitor during the iPhone 5 unveiling
Dvan: lol
Kenny: nothing was happeningtho
Dvan: did you pre-order in time?
Kenny: NO i'm pissed
Dvan: aww
Kenny: i drank too much friggin wine and fell asleep
Dvan: you're SOL
Kenny: no, i can wait in line now
Dvan: will you get one if you do?
Dvan: enough in stock?
Kenny: ok yo, this week i'm going to go to Pioneer Place mall and case the joint
Kenny: I might even go up to security and ask which doors they unlock first in the morning
Kenny: hopefully they don't find it suspicious
Dvan: heh
Kenny: I am leaning towards the food court entry, BUT I think the line forms to the south
Kenny: so that means I would have to walk the length of the line to get in it, instead of arriving immediately @ the end of the line
Kenny: which would be the 4th and morrison entrance
Kenny: Hmmmm
Kenny: u wanna call in a b*mb threat for me?
Dvan: wow yeah, suspicious!
Kenny: but jsut be like "I promise I won't blow up any inventory"
Dvan: I heard that people are getting in line TODAY
Kenny: CRAP
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Beer Code

Posted: September 17, 2012 9:45 AM by Jon

Kenny: i almost bought Black Butte XXII but it had a date
Kenny: the date was 7/2013 so i was like cool
Kenny: BUT it says Best AFTER
Kenny: what-the-s**t
Jon: XXII? They recalled all of those bottles.
Kenny: WHATEVER NUMBER is the current one
Jon: Do you mean XXIV?
Jon: ah
Jon: yeah, those are 11% aged beers. They will get better with age.
Kenny: why would they sell a beer that can't be drank for a year!#%*$$@
Kenny: can i drink it now anyway?
Jon: It's as much a marketing thing as a beer geek thing
Jon: Of course you can drink it now, jesus
Kenny: I don't want to break some beer code
Kenny: some code of ethics
Jon: Do you follow every instruction on a label?
Kenny: i don't want Pliny the Elder to strike me down
Kenny: from mount olympus
Jon: OH you've already broken the beer code by loving on Rogue as much as you just did
Kenny: lol
0 1

Developer Bathroom

Posted: September 14, 2012 11:05 AM by Dvan

Kenny: Cool, I started using the developer bathroom
Kenny: it gets a lot less traffic
Kenny: poor devs now!
Kenny: i sort of look around a bit and then run in if no one's around
Kenny: i don't want a replay of my 1st week, when i went upstairs, and someone said, "OH HEY KEN, WHAT ARE YO UDOING UP HERE?"
Kenny: umm, takin my craps in ur toiletz
Dvan: Yeah, poor poor devs...
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Posted: September 13, 2012 4:20 PM by Dvan

Kenny: man last night some idiot vommed at this party but the weird part is today i keep smelling phantom puke
Kenny: YEAH i know it can't be real because i showered and these are fresh clothes and my office has a regular cleaning crew
Kenny: so traumatic
Kenny: all the other dudes were trying to analyze what he ate
Kenny: i mean it's not hard, it's all right there on the walk
Dvan: eww
Kenny: makes it hard to get a taxi, i even offered the cabbie a $20 tip
Kenny: he thought about it for a few min and drove off
Kenny: smart guy i guess
Kenny: anyway it was the first time hanging out with this dude in 6 years. I'll wait another 6, I think
Dvan: hehe
Dvan: PTSD?
Kenny: PTPD
Dvan: lol
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Posted: September 13, 2012 9:55 AM by Dvan

Kenny: yo - some idiot friend ate mushrooms last night and started howling at Departure
Dvan: wtf
Kenny: they kicked him out and i took him home, but this morning i found $20 and a pack of tic tacs in my car
Kenny: score?
Dvan: lol!
Kenny: of course this happened as soon as i got a drink
Dvan: heh
Kenny: OH and then he was howling on the sidwalk, so i went to (name removed by admin) (the restaurant of the hotel i used to work at), asked for a water in a cup, then when he spilled it and i went to get a refill, they LOCKED THE DOOR
Kenny: so much for hospitality
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You're dead to us!

iPhone 5 Tent

Posted: September 12, 2012 11:40 AM by Dvan

Kenny: btw iPhone 5 is going to rock, once the tent in my pants goes down i am pitching one in fromt of the apple store
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Dude! TMI!!

Sour Cream

Posted: September 11, 2012 2:50 PM by Dvan

Kenny: wtf is the deal with burrito bar having two sour cream stations along the line
Kenny: at the very beginning she says "sour cream?" i say yes
Kenny: then we do the meats and corn and crap and at the end she's like "sour cream?"
Kenny: i'm like what
Kenny: she's like "SOUR CREAM?"
Dvan: they wanna make sure you get your sour cream!
Kenny: i'm like what? i mean she couldn't be asking the same thing again
Dvan: lol
Dvan: is it consistent?
Kenny: she says never mind and asks if i want cilantro
Kenny: idiots
Kenny: no, i been there before and there was no two sour craems
Dvan: heheh ok
Kenny: i don't need them changing the burrito workflow on me
Kenny: oh, then i ask for Limon Jarritos and he's like "I've never heard of that flavor"
Dvan: lol
Kenny: so then I ask for LIME and he gets it and he's like "oh this is limon, you went all spanish on me"
Kenny: in hindsight i didn't get enough sour cream on my burrito today
Dvan: SEE? They're making sure you get enough!
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I told him about the sour cream!!