This is a selection of IMs from my friend Kenny.

Enjoy at your own risk.

Mother Tucker

Posted: August 01, 2014 2:01 PM by Jon

Kenny: i wnated to wear this shirt today that was too long and imo needed to be tucked in
Kenny: but no one here tucks in
Kenny: so i wore it un-tucked (jeans) but then i got paranoid so on my walk back from lunch i decided to tuck in half of it
Kenny: sort of like so it looks accidental
Kenny: and unkempt
Kenny: yet not too long
Kenny: so anyway as i get close to my office i saw one of the chuckleheads from the architecture firm the bulgarians share an office with
Kenny: he had headphones on, but still decided he needed to communicate, "SHIRT-- SHIRT'S GETTING UNTUCKED"
Kenny: so that backfired
Kenny: who tucks into jeans anyway?
Jon: apparently you?
0 2

Fixer-upper, part 2

Posted: July 30, 2014 4:15 PM by Jon

Kenny: what i want to know is, why does the bathroom appear carpeted
Jon: probably because it is?
Jon: gross
Kenny: yea
Jon: it's absorbed all the fluids over the years
Kenny: yeah
Jon: hope you don't mind catching some weird VD from that bathroom
Jon: "WTF I took a bath and now I have herpes?"
Jon: your GF's gonna be PISSED
Kenny: Wall-to-Wall Carpet in the Bathroom: Ewww or Ahhh?
Kenny: Ewww! 230 Ahhh! 14
Jon: lol
Kenny: s**t
0 1


Posted: July 30, 2014 4:05 PM by Jon

Kenny: portland getting a meadery
Kenny: u jelly?
Kenny: today im going to look at a house next to migration brewery
Kenny: fixer-upper
Jon: Me jelly? No
Jon: We had a meadery. Now we have like 3 cideries
Jon: nice, next to a brewery
Jon: there goes your alcohol budget
Kenny: s**t
Kenny: i forgot i won't have an alcohol budget after i move in
Jon: well, mabye. With a fixer it's going to be cheaper, right?
Kenny: $307k
Jon: just forget any repairs and buy beer instead
Jon: WAT
Kenny: :| it's in a good location and has 2ba
Jon: that ain't no fixer-upper unless you like in Dubai or something
Kenny: it's by a brewery tho
Kenny: prime location
Kenny: so a roommate will want to be there
Kenny: i can get $700/mo
Jon: no way, it shouldn't be a fixer at that price damn
Jon: yeah I know how well you pick roommates
0 2

Classic avoidance

Posted: July 29, 2014 2:48 PM by Palehorse

Regarding the past workplace...
Kenny:saw one of their people at the foodcarts today
Kenny:i think we pretended not to see each other

Regarding present workplace...
Kenny:yesterday a guy here fell asleep
Kenny:started snoring at 4:15
Kenny:it was awkward for me so i stept out to get coffee
Kenny:forutnately he was gone when i came back - went home heh
0 1


Posted: July 29, 2014 9:48 AM by Jon

Kenny: where is donovan
Jon: he died
Kenny: wat
Jon: freak accident, his juicer went haywire
Kenny: im trying to buy a house i need him to be my rock
Kenny: he will tell me im an idiot
Kenny: somehow this is a good thing
Jon: sorry man, dunno what to tell you
0 3

Green Eyed Monster (or is it Green Beer?)

Posted: July 23, 2014 4:43 PM by Palehorse

Kenny:gonna get a kegerator for new office?
palehorse:more than a kegerator
palehorse:4'x8' cooler
palehorse:12 taps
Kenny:i hate u
0 3


Posted: June 30, 2014 2:35 PM by Dvan

Dvan: uhmm don't you work?
Kenny: o crap
Dvan: Mr. T says, "BACK TO WORK, FOOL!"
Kenny: ok. Went to get coffe so I could get back to work, and on the way I noticed, there is a sticker on the exterior of the window that says, Protected By Alarm System.
Kenny: ...we are on the 4th floor.
Dvan: building scalers?
Kenny: yea
Kenny: or maybe it's for burds
Dvan: or...
Dvan: maybe the last person that had your job wasn't working so they threw them out the window and it broke. Had to replace from window on first floor.
Kenny: Last person that had my job got murdered
Kenny: tony something... when i find out his last name we can google it
Kenny: but thats what they tell me
Kenny: :|
0 1


Posted: June 25, 2014 4:19 PM by Dvan

Kenny: don't ever see regular jewgle logo anymore
Kenny: I Can Say That Bc Im a Jew
Dvan: wat
Kenny: yep im 49% ashkenazi jew
Kenny: not sure why they would put the word nazi in a type of jew
Kenny: but that's what it's called
Dvan: so you're not majority so you can't!
Dvan: anti semite
Kenny: s**t
0 2

Day (or morning) of Reckoning

Posted: June 12, 2014 2:00 PM by Dvan

Kenny: i trolled his (boss) calendar and he has an appointment called "george/scott/ken" for 2:00am
Kenny: strange
Kenny: that might be the hour of bulgarian reckoning
Kenny: i will sleep wth one eye open
Dvan: holding your pillow tight
0 0

"Empty" Bottles

Posted: June 12, 2014 11:18 AM by Dvan

Kenny: Shipping father's day present:
Kenny: anyway fedEx goes, "Anything breakable?"
Kenny: <this is my chance to NOT say BEER>
Kenny: me: "Beer bottles!"
Kenny: so fedex guy pauses and goes, "...Full beer bottles?"
Kenny: <this is my chance to NOT say FULL BEER BOTTLES>
Kenny: me: "Yep!"
Kenny: fedex guy: :| You have to leave now.
Dvan: lol
Kenny: fedex guy felt bad and was trying to help me
Kenny: gave me a way out, i was too dumb to see it
0 0